the eulogy

Casey and I played all the time as kids.  No, really.  ALL the TIME.  Since I’m the only girl in my family, Casey, for many years, was the closest thing I ever had to having a sister.  We fought like sisters, at times.  We got into trouble together.  She laughed at me while I cried because her mom pulled my hair too tight when she was braiding it…

And now, she’s gone.  I have so many fun memories, and more than a few regrets.  We haven’t been close in more than 10 years.  Her life took a different direction than mine, and neither of us tried to bridge the gap.  Writing her eulogy was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, partly because I missed her so much, and partly because I realized how little I knew about her life.

Ian is so much like his “Momma Casey.”  He even laughs like her.  He has the same stubborn attitude sometimes.  I hope that her death is not hard on him.  He had not really seen her since his adoption by my parents, over four years ago.  Ian is fragile, and I hope this tragedy doesn’t break him.

Casey had a troubled life.  She had simply chosen some of the wrong things.  It still amazes me to think how my choices led me one direction, and her choices led her quite the other way.  Choices do that, you know.  They set you on a path, and if you’re not careful, that path may lead you away from your goals instead of toward them.

Regardless of the distance of the last decade, I loved her.  I loved her, and it took her dying for me to really realize how much.  How sad. 

A eulogy is meant to honor the deceased and help the mourners remember.  Here is Casey’s eulogy, which was read yesterday by my dad at her memorial service…  Let’s remember the good times and learn from the bad…

Eulogy of Casey Diane Anderson Hoffman

I could easily stand here and read to you a list of important dates in Casey’s life – her birth, her baptism, her death, but if I did that, her story would remain untold. It is true that she was born on February 17, 1981 in Odessa, Texas, the second child of three. Within a few months, as all children do, she learned to smile and to laugh, and THIS is, perhaps, the beginning of the Casey that we all knew and loved. So many of us remember how her smile lit up the room.

If I just read a list of dates, you wouldn’t know about the games she played with her cousins: freeze tag in the front yard at her Nanny and Papa’s house at Thanksgiving, a game all the kids enjoyed, until they lost; or racing her siblings and cousins across the front yard of my home when we all lived in west Texas. She almost always lost to Willie and Carl because they would go after “Ready, Set..” but before “Go!” You wouldn’t know about the trouble that she and Kara would get into for talking and playing games in bed instead of sleeping. You wouldn’t know about her love for Barbie and Ken. They always lived happily ever after. Casey had a childhood full of smiles and laughter.

If I just read a list of events, you wouldn’t know much about Casey’s school years. Her family moved from west Texas to Corpus Christi in time for Casey to start Kindergarten, but the majority of her school years were spent in Jourdanton schools. Her talkative nature and her contagious laughter frustrated more than a few teachers there through the years, for sure. But, if I just told you the dates she attended school, would you know much about her first prom? It was held in the high school cafeteria… mardi gras theme… Or would you know that she nearly drove a car into the Frio River when she was learning to drive? She loved children, especially my son Jared, who is 10 years younger than Casey. If I just read a list of important dates from Casey’s life, you wouldn’t know how her laughter mingled with his as she pushed him in a swing on the front porch of the very apartment building where she died.

If I listed only the most important dates of her life, I would certainly include her marriage to Christian and the births of her children, Ian, Nia and Christopher, but these dates wouldn’t tell you how much she loved each of her kids. You wouldn’t be able to see her eyes light up when she talked about her kids.

You wouldn’t know how she loved to be a tourist on the riverwalk. She loved to show her friends around her city, riding the river boats and taking pictures, usually funny pictures on the paths and bridges downtown. You wouldn’t know how she loved the beach. You wouldn’t know how she drove 70 miles out of her way to help a stranded cousin. The night ended with lots of laughter along with a changed tire.

If I just read the important dates, you wouldn’t see that Casey was like all of us in one way or another. She felt lost at times, as all of us do. She was distracted, at times, from her future goals by the importance of the everyday. But she knew that she wanted to help people in her life’s work. She trained as a massage therapist, but that wasn’t exactly right for her. She had plans to attend nursing school. She would have been a caring nurse. Her smile could have worked wonders.

The milestone dates don’t tell the story of her life, and they don’t tell the story of her death. Yes, she died on August 4, 2010, but the date alone doesn’t tell you that she died a hero. She went back into the burning apartment to save her baby, her precious Christopher. She did make it back to him. She was holding him in her arms when they died.

I could easily stand here and read to you a list of important dates in Casey’s life – her birth, the births of her children, her death, but would you know that she died a hero? Would you, like all who loved her, long to hear her laughter once again?

Casey Diane Hoffman, age 29, of Jourdanton, Texas, passed away with her son Christopher James Chavez, Wednesday, August 4, 2010, in Jourdanton, Texas.  She is survived by her father and mother, Allen and Linda Anderson, her son, Ian Hancock, her daughter, Nia Ramos, brother, Willie Anderson and his wife Amanda, sister, Kathy and her husband Joe Garcia.  She is also survived by her grandparents, C.W. and Wanda Marley, and Dorothy Anderson, and her honorary grandma, Edna Hitt, as well as nieces and nephews, Alexa, Ty, Xavier, Kia, Justice and Alyasa.  She is also survived by Christopher’s father, Juan Chavez, Jr. She is also survived by her aunts and uncles, John and Patricia Marley, Henry and Lee Marley, Jim and Novella Hancock, Betty Bailey, J.B. and Sue Green, David Bailey and Donna Marley Spears. Many cousins and friends also mourn her loss.